Monday, October 12, 2009

Thoughts


I talk to myself.


Now this sounds like an anti climax but it’s true literally. I remember, when I was a little kid, I used to like talking to myself. Talking about oneself and to himself is like two sides of a dice-the remaining four sides are repeated with these two again. I don’t know the inner details of psychology but I can gather my wits fast enough to understand I might look crazy. When you happen to come across a person talking to him/herself, what do you do? You chuckle of course and if by any chance you are with your friends, then the mob factor comes in and you might even make faces at him to have your sadistic laugh. But I believe every one of us, at some point or the other, had talked to him/herself. There is a beautiful world, right inside us which is as imaginative as your dreams, as lovely as your… ok I was about to say ‘wife’ here.


Get my point? Let your thoughts free for a while and you can marvel at the speed by which your thoughts can jump from point to point in fractions of a second. There is a general feeling among us that people who talk to themselves are Mad. By that logic, everyone is mad-the obvious ones are those who get caught. Notice anyone who is driving a two wheeler. Even if he passes by you in a flash, you can notice a slight lip moment on his face even with his eyes, very intense with concentration on road. That’s a synchronization of the conscious and sub conscious world. That person is actually talking to himself, with full realization or not and also simultaneously concentrating on the traffic.


There are disadvantages too. I have heard of people who talk to themselves because they are mentally ill. Well that happens when you don’t have control of your mind-the sub conscious mind takes over your real world in a flash. It’s particularly dangerous when it happens when you are somewhere in a crowd. You suddenly zone out, forget where you are and a separate story track keeps running in your mind-60% of road accidents happen due to this cause.


I have always loved talking to myself whenever I am alone and I find it very refreshing. And there were instances where a different world opens up inside my head and I talk to myself without speaking out loud like those non verbal curses used in harry potter novels. I always had control of these conversations with oneself, so I know I am NOT mad. In fact, most of my blog posts including this one were written in my mind while I was driving. Right from topic to the content and sentence formation, I write everything in my head while driving and thereby composing & posting here is just a formality.


Thoughts are amazing and very original. There is always an element of creativity in our own thoughts. We have an array of creative ideas at our door step and yet we look for inspiration at the most mundane places. I have always tried to remember my dreams-most of them tend to get faded out by the end of the day. I don’t understand the psychology behind these dreams but they always get faded out of head as soon as you wake up. People dream while sleeping and wake up to forget them. But those, few who can remember their dreams, have a library of creative thoughts in his chest.


Ever talked to yourself? Ever got caught and had a sheepish grin on your face? Feel free to share your experiences at the comments section. And yes I repeat or rather I confirm-I am not mad.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Naked Truth

EVERY LINE IN THE STORY IS FICTIONAL AND I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY FACTUAL ERRORS.



  She is a fighter. And so are million people like her.


As she glanced around her room, she noticed everything is in order. She liked it that way and had taken pains to keep everything in place. It’s ironic that her own life is in disarray but that never deterred her to keep her surroundings clean. She paced across the room and sat at her favorite place-near the window which has a wonderful view of the park across the street. She loved the park when she had seen it exactly 10 years ago and she loves it now but with a difference. There were small children playing under the watchful eyes of their parents and something about the scene looked very soothing yet very disturbing. She always loved to observe small details of happiness and the window became her only connect to the world. She looked at the joy in children’s faces and her lips parted automatically to smile. She looked at a young couple who were sitting on a bench, talking to each other and keeping an eye on their kids at the same time. Her smile held but with no meaning. Her eyes looked out intensely but at nothing. Her thoughts had the speed of light but were vague.


Lost in her thoughts, she thought she heard something. She jerked herself back to reality, merely by taking her eyes off the window and into the room. It was her father in law who was calling her except for her; he is more than her father. She knew, of all the suffering she went through, the biggest was the knowledge that her father in law suffered more. And 10 years back, she had made a promise to herself-she would uphold the family respect as a dutiful daughter in law and take care of her family all her life. As she went about her work with endless patience, her father in law looked at her. His face betrayed too much- Sympathy, Pride, Guilt and Pain. He was proud of her endurance and inner strength, while he also had a stabbing sympathetic feeling towards her. She always directly looked into his eyes while talking to him even though she knows his ‘all betraying face’ would haunt her even when she sits by her favorite window.


She always kept herself busy with work to keep herself occupied-be it her job at Indian Airlines or the household chores. The only moment of weakness she ever allows is when she sits by her window to watch people, people who-in her own words- not affected by fate. She understood long ago why she blamed fate for all the suffering in her life-only because there is no one else to blame. Can she blame the government? Or the officials? Or those brutal fanatics? Or The God himself? She blamed Fate only because; None of them are ready to take the blame. She also knew, blaming someone or fate is illogical but her emotions had no other way out-the way her husband has been separated from her is also illogical. What logic can explain the killing of her husband after just 2 weeks of her marriage? What logic can explain the killing to happen exactly when they were returning from their honeymoon? Whatever logic can justify the cause for which he has been killed? In the name of every good thing in this world, what logic can justify her husband’s brutal killing on that ill-fated Indian Airlines flight which got hijacked on 24th December 1999?
But she is a fighter. And she has been fighting for last 10 years and will continue to do so all her life. There are many people out there in this beautiful world who have the same fate as hers-both men and women. Its only when people start believing in the god inside them rather than the god above them, life is not going to change for millions of families across the globe.


**********


This short story is completely fictional based on a true incident-the Indian airlines flight hijack on 24th December 1999 and the killing of Rupin Katyal, who was travelling on that ill-fated flight along with his wife. This December, it’s going to mark 10 years of endless patience and endurance. There is nothing I can really do except to pray for her, for every such family who got/gets affected by terrorism.

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