Monday, April 5, 2010

Burn darling burn!

It’s time to make amendments. We have a new game/sport in which India is shining and I am undertaking this mission to make it our national game. Join me in signing a petition to the government to make this sport very popular and Olympics be damn, let’s have the tournament in our country and invite other countries here. I am sure; Somalia, Pakistan and other high spirited countries might give a stiff competition but once again am sure, India would kickass. The game is called-‘Pelt a stone-Burn an effigy’.

Let us join hands, light a candle or even better pelt few stones to make this sport, our national game. India loses a cricket match and our street smart players get ready for their match. A politician unexpectedly talks sense, then our top performers start flexing arms. An actress blurts out something half mindedly and they burn her effigy. Amazed with their unabated consistency and passion towards their game, I approached one of them for an interview and am glad, he took his time out from stones and effigies, spoke about his experiences and journey to the top. Here is the interview.

Q.Hello. It’s a pleasure meeting you sir. So how did you start playing this game?

A- Thank you. Oh, I learnt this art at school. I used to pelt stones at passing trains. Someone told me, people are better target. Since then I have used my experience and grown gradually in this field.

Q.Cool. When did you come to limelight?

A-Oh it was that actress Kushboo’s incident. She said pre-martial sex is fine and I, with my team burnt her effigy and pelted many stones. I was on front page of every newspaper.

Q. Good. So you were a virgin then?

A-me? No. Why do you ask?

Q.Then why did you pelt stones?

A. You are so na├»ve. I just started my career. I had to work hard. Shouldn’t I?

Q.So true. Then tell us about your journey from there.

A- It was a great exciting journey. We were supported well by Indian cricket team by losing few important games. Click here to see our action.

Q.But even the Hockey/football team loses every game. We never saw you guys flexing arms after that.

A. We would come in picture when they win.

Q.Interesting. Tell us about your recent ambush at Hyderabad. It was a religious riot. So how did you guys fit in?

A. Oh we had great fun. My team is secular. Once day we threw stones at the Muslims and next day, we threw at the Hindus. Some days, we were openly secular-we just threw stones at everybody.

Q.Wonderful. Can you tell us about the effigies burning part of your sport?

A- Its great fun. This is more hard work than pelting stones as those effigies have to be manufactured first and then burnt.

Q.But those effigies look like Rakhi Sawant without make up. Is that deliberate?

A. Of course. We take immense care to see that those effigies don’t resemble the actual person and then we put a board around the neck before burning. Minute details are worked out.

Q.What is more satisfying? Pelting stones or burning effigies?

A. Haha, we love both fields. We try hard to make both happen but we also have tough lucks!

Q.Oh like what?

A. Well sometimes stones are not available or the effigies are not ready. So we have to adjust with whatever is available. We do not have much support from the governing body. *sighs*

Q.Don’t worry. My readers will definitely take up your issue to the concerned person. So which is the biggest challenge to your sport?

A. The police. I hate it when they bring their shields. What is the fun when they use shields against our stones? I mean, where is the sporting spirit?

Q.So true. So you guys have any competitors?

A. Of course. Kashmir team has always lead the way. Gujarat team has performed consistently, thanks to their good practice. We come third in terms of performance, though we have stiff competition from Bangalore, Bihar. Very soon we will start, SEPL. Stones and Effigies premier league.

Q.Wonderful. That’s a big challenge indeed. So when is your next game?

A. On Sania Mirza’s marriage. We are well prepared this time. She gave us the date beforehand, so we made our arrangements in terms of stones and their effigies.

Q.Awesome. Wish you all the luck. Thanks for time and hope you inspired my readers to take up this lucrative career of stoning and burning.

A. My pleasure entirely. I just wish, we get enough sponsors so that we start SEPL as soon as possible. Thanks again. Hope you guys get hit soon. Bye Bye.

So that's it guys. Wasn't that an interesting interview? Hope that convinced you to join hands with me to make this sport, our national game.

Picture courtesy:

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