Monday, August 23, 2010



When death takes over, life becomes a laughing stock. Ironically, there were none to laugh. The year 2012 has seen destruction of everything leaving the towns and cities in ruins. The humans ceased to exist and the silence around the world had a chilling effect which fortunately the dead couldn’t feel. All through their existence for thousands of years, humans achieved everything except peace. That’s because, no matter how honest a man is, there will be always someone who thinks he is an asshole.

Having said this, life has this unique way of losing virginity. We take birth again…after 500 years.

Thousand years later…

Archeologists are a funny lot. They dig up the dead to enlighten the living. Probably the term, digging one’s own grave originated from them.  A group of them got to work on a hot afternoon. It was year 3012 and signs were clear that they were digging their own graves symbolically. They were not sure what might find, but surely hoping to find few old kingfisher bottles only to prove that alcohol existed before humans did.  What they actually found changed the face of earth…yet again and life started rubbing its hands in glee, eager to resume its favorite passion-screwing people. They found a comic book of Superman. The chief archeologist held the ancient book with reverence and fear. Well, he wasn’t judging the book by its cover. If he did, he would have thrown it away presuming that the book contained pictures of improperly dressed ancient men. As they continued digging, they found few more books of Superman.

The chief got all the books to their office lab and after dusting them properly, he sat down to read them with excitement. He knew he held something which is at least thousand years old. His father had told him that life had existed some thousand years ago. What his father didn’t know was the old saying-Life goes on, no matter what. He read the books slowly, straining to read every word. As he reached the end of the books, his throat was dry. His heart was beating at high speeds, skipping few beats once in a while. As he turned the last page over, he exclaimed the first word which came to his mind-‘GOD!!’

Five Hundred more years later…

Civilization is like a Mercedes. It looks grand even when if it’s parked under a tree. Pace, competition and indifference are three principles of civilization and humans are good at them. In most parts of the world, life has returned to normal. Inventions and discoveries have become a routine though as usual, the first ever discovery of man was sex. There were so many things to discover, invent or at least dig up.  In countries like India, people are still spitting on roads, a habit which is at least thousand years old. Telephone was rediscovered and so was internet. Social networking sites like assbook became immensely popular which promised to make the world a small place.

Humans have once again proved that they deserve to live on earth, achieving great heights except...PEACE


Monday, August 9, 2010


Aunts are a special and rare species. Now, I clearly understand why Wodehouse made a living writing about them. They can irritate the hell out of you and yet you wont even realize that you are being scrutinized to the last detail in their utterly nonsense gibberish. From the latest recipe to the most recent marriage, the discussion among them can get very engrossing, provided you have the label called aunt.

My mom has four sisters and at least (Am bad at math) four more cousins. If you throw in few sister-in-laws here and there, you get my point-a battalion of aunts whenever there is some function or a family get-together. I always marveled at their enthusiasm discussing the same old vegetables or bashing the same old relative (most preferable another aunt). May be that’s why, in their midst I open my mouth only to eat.
There are different kinds of aunts in this world.

1)Inbuilt advisory- These are the boring kinds, who will advice you on everything.

One aunt to me-' Why didn’t you go to America? Mrs. Sharma’s son went to US to study.'
'Simple reason-I didn’t want to', I said shrugging.

'You should have done some course and joined IT company. '
'Aunt, I am working at a reputed Bank.'  I said in a nonchalant manner

'Of course, its not an IT company. They don’t send you to America.'
'Yes aunt. I am glad. Americans don’t know what they didn’t miss.'

'Did you know, Mrs.Joshi’s daughter scored a state rank in the entrance exam. You should learn something from her.'
' err... Should I go back to college?'
'No...', she said sharply. 'You should learn to work hard like her.'
'When did you EVER see me work or laze around? Last time I saw you, was some 4 yrs back.'

'Do you save money? Start doing it right now. Save at least couple of thousand rupees every month.'
'Sure. Do send me the money.'

'You roam with friends a lot. You should be responsible now and help your mom.'
'I didn’t see your son here. Where is he?' with a straight face.
'With friends...'- she replied sheepishly.

2)Jealous- These are the irritating kinds.

She said -Such a lovely Saree, my dear. Where did you buy it?

She meant -Hmpff she always buys something.

She said -Nice house. Did you have any designer do your interiors?

She meant -She doesn’t deserve it. She is just lucky to marry that man.

3)Gossip mongers- Pure entertainment. Sometimes they themselves forget whose side they are on, constantly changes sides gossiping about every person in the family from their financial status to her eye lashes. 

4)Matchmakers- The most dangerous of their kind. I sometimes feel, they get some commission for playing cupid. Or else why would they take so much pain to ‘get’ a ‘good’ match for others' kids.

Getting closer, one aunt asked me- 'Adi,… When are you getting married?'

I just shrugged off.

'I know a beautiful girl just for you. '

'Oh really? Your daughter?'. I said with a huge grin.

'NOOO. I mean, you know Mrs. Sunita? My distant relative? Her daughter is perfect for you, I feel.'


'Really, she is very good.'

' Okay. What does she do?'

'IT company..' she said proudly

'Which one?'

'I don’t know. But Good salary, I know.'

'You saw her pay slip or what?' I asked aghast at the possibility.

'Shut up! Marry her. She is a decent girl.'

'Wonderful!  By ‘decent’, did you just mean, she has no boyfriend?' I asked inquiringly.

'She comes from a good family.' she replied dismissively.

'Nice logic' I said grinning.

'Come on. You see her once. You won’t be able to take your eyes off.'

'Is that why, you have your eyes on her?'

She looked at me alarmingly, and asked me the dreaded question which am SURE she doesn’t understand.

'Are you gay?
'Don’t worry aunt, I shall invite you to my marriage to prove that I am not. '

Flashing her smile again as if understanding a private joke after everyone else has laughed, she said

'Good. Leave everything else to me. I shall take care.'

'Of what? The marriage? Well my answer is no. I don’t want to marry that girl. '

'She laughed. Her laugh was hollow, more like a screech of a bird in pain.'

Now saying NO to an aunt is sacrilegious and she immediately forms an opinion about how kids now days have no respect for elder people.

5)The intruders- Another irritating types.
They want to know everything. The frequent questions I hate are about my financial status or salary. The question, how much is your salary sounds like how much is your worth and sorry, I hate being judged by how much I earn.

6) Critics - The funniest of them all. Show them The Monalisa painting and they would find mistakes which the historians have missed all these years. They have a problem with everything. May be we should admire their frankness in expressing their displeasure but when it is for salt in food or because ice cream was not served at lunch, the admiration vanishes.

All said and done, they are my relatives and they cant be blamed for my anti social sarcasm.

Well, I am back of sorts. I tried hard to think of various excuses for not writing regularly, even tried to tell myself that I am very busy. But Bloggers like Neha, Guria, pawan etc have inspired me to get back to typing my thoughts into words who have been writing regularly in spite of their busy world. My last post was in April and lot has happened since then. I changed my job and my line of career. I left sales and joined banking-operations. Earlier, I used to sell and throw the forms to the operations team for processing. Now I changed places but in a different industry.  The transition has been smooth given the fact that I enjoy the AC more than the sun though the pressure remains the same.
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