Monday, August 9, 2010

Aunts

Aunts are a special and rare species. Now, I clearly understand why Wodehouse made a living writing about them. They can irritate the hell out of you and yet you wont even realize that you are being scrutinized to the last detail in their utterly nonsense gibberish. From the latest recipe to the most recent marriage, the discussion among them can get very engrossing, provided you have the label called aunt.


My mom has four sisters and at least (Am bad at math) four more cousins. If you throw in few sister-in-laws here and there, you get my point-a battalion of aunts whenever there is some function or a family get-together. I always marveled at their enthusiasm discussing the same old vegetables or bashing the same old relative (most preferable another aunt). May be that’s why, in their midst I open my mouth only to eat.
There are different kinds of aunts in this world.


1)Inbuilt advisory- These are the boring kinds, who will advice you on everything.


One aunt to me-' Why didn’t you go to America? Mrs. Sharma’s son went to US to study.'
'Simple reason-I didn’t want to', I said shrugging.

'You should have done some course and joined IT company. '
'Aunt, I am working at a reputed Bank.'  I said in a nonchalant manner

'Of course, its not an IT company. They don’t send you to America.'
'Yes aunt. I am glad. Americans don’t know what they didn’t miss.'
 

'Did you know, Mrs.Joshi’s daughter scored a state rank in the entrance exam. You should learn something from her.'
' err... Should I go back to college?'
'No...', she said sharply. 'You should learn to work hard like her.'
'When did you EVER see me work or laze around? Last time I saw you, was some 4 yrs back.'

'Do you save money? Start doing it right now. Save at least couple of thousand rupees every month.'
'Sure. Do send me the money.'

'You roam with friends a lot. You should be responsible now and help your mom.'
'I didn’t see your son here. Where is he?' with a straight face.
'With friends...'- she replied sheepishly.



2)Jealous- These are the irritating kinds.


She said -Such a lovely Saree, my dear. Where did you buy it?


She meant -Hmpff she always buys something.


She said -Nice house. Did you have any designer do your interiors?


She meant -She doesn’t deserve it. She is just lucky to marry that man.

3)Gossip mongers- Pure entertainment. Sometimes they themselves forget whose side they are on, constantly changes sides gossiping about every person in the family from their financial status to her eye lashes. 




4)Matchmakers- The most dangerous of their kind. I sometimes feel, they get some commission for playing cupid. Or else why would they take so much pain to ‘get’ a ‘good’ match for others' kids.


Getting closer, one aunt asked me- 'Adi,… When are you getting married?'
 

I just shrugged off.

'I know a beautiful girl just for you. '


'Oh really? Your daughter?'. I said with a huge grin.


'NOOO. I mean, you know Mrs. Sunita? My distant relative? Her daughter is perfect for you, I feel.'


'Hmmm...'


'Really, she is very good.'


' Okay. What does she do?'



'IT company..' she said proudly



'Which one?'

'I don’t know. But Good salary, I know.'


'You saw her pay slip or what?' I asked aghast at the possibility.


'Shut up! Marry her. She is a decent girl.'


'Wonderful!  By ‘decent’, did you just mean, she has no boyfriend?' I asked inquiringly.


'She comes from a good family.' she replied dismissively.


'Nice logic' I said grinning.


'Come on. You see her once. You won’t be able to take your eyes off.'


'Is that why, you have your eyes on her?'

She looked at me alarmingly, and asked me the dreaded question which am SURE she doesn’t understand.

'Are you gay?
'Don’t worry aunt, I shall invite you to my marriage to prove that I am not. '

Flashing her smile again as if understanding a private joke after everyone else has laughed, she said

'Good. Leave everything else to me. I shall take care.'

'Of what? The marriage? Well my answer is no. I don’t want to marry that girl. '

'She laughed. Her laugh was hollow, more like a screech of a bird in pain.'


Now saying NO to an aunt is sacrilegious and she immediately forms an opinion about how kids now days have no respect for elder people.




5)The intruders- Another irritating types.
They want to know everything. The frequent questions I hate are about my financial status or salary. The question, how much is your salary sounds like how much is your worth and sorry, I hate being judged by how much I earn.


6) Critics - The funniest of them all. Show them The Monalisa painting and they would find mistakes which the historians have missed all these years. They have a problem with everything. May be we should admire their frankness in expressing their displeasure but when it is for salt in food or because ice cream was not served at lunch, the admiration vanishes.




All said and done, they are my relatives and they cant be blamed for my anti social sarcasm.


******************
Well, I am back of sorts. I tried hard to think of various excuses for not writing regularly, even tried to tell myself that I am very busy. But Bloggers like Neha, Guria, pawan etc have inspired me to get back to typing my thoughts into words who have been writing regularly in spite of their busy world. My last post was in April and lot has happened since then. I changed my job and my line of career. I left sales and joined banking-operations. Earlier, I used to sell and throw the forms to the operations team for processing. Now I changed places but in a different industry.  The transition has been smooth given the fact that I enjoy the AC more than the sun though the pressure remains the same.

9 comments:

  1. if I tell you that I have written about all these things in past in various posts then? :) let me know if you have time, I will mail you a few links (3 to 4 :P) where I have written about such characters..I love to write about people and their behaviour; but my posts do not have dialogues..they are more narrative/descriptive..

    blogging helps me a lot..even when I am too busy, I take out half an hour and write something..it rejuvenates me :)

    Welcome back :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aunts, or relatives in general are all like that. That reminds me, I'm going to hell hole soon for my cousin's marriage :P

    And and I'm not gonna welcome you back till you start posting regularly :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Glad to finally see a post from you :)
    Aunts and Uncles are always amazingly amusing in every household :)

    Best wishes for your new career :)

    Life's been busy at my end too with me hopping on and off blogging every now and then. Have moved my blog to Wordpress lately,so if you've got my old address please update it :)

    Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, I can say, ghar ghar ki yehi kahani!!
    You find such specimens everywhere!!

    All the best for your new career!
    Cheers :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah exactly!
    All the time they want us to 'succeed'....and for that they'll give us heaps of advices.Of course,that makes us wonder why they didn't apply those suggestions to their own children :P

    Welcome back:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are going to get hell from Aunty-Union.

    You just wait for the next family get together. Waiting for the sequel :))

    ReplyDelete
  7. @NehaSure. Send me the links. I would Love to read them. Thank you.

    @AnaHaha Hope you enjoy the marriage :P
    Yeah dont welcome me back :P. You know me ;) I might hibernate any day :P

    @ChatterboxThank you. Hope you enjoyed reading. Oh is it? Where can I get the new URL? . Do send me the link. I dont seem to have your new blog address. :)

    @ShilpaSo true! Thank you :)

    @Anuhaha yeah I know :P Thanks!

    @PurbaAh there is no sequel planned as such :P Dont worry. hell is always better than heaven! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hiee Adi, good to c u back after so long.... :)

    The description was just rib-tickling...!! :D :D

    Of all ur descriptions, I liked the match maker one the most.. It has even happened with me so many times tht they would talk i nfront of me about some XYZ guy.... I just dont understand why do they have to get into all these things.. there are ofcourse much better things to do...!!!

    N hey, also GOOD LUCK with your career.... have a lovely time learning nad exploring..!! :)

    P.S. : just read ur first post too.... waitng for the next part before I comment anything..!!! B back soon..!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. What would the TV and film industry do without these stalwart ladies, who give us the masala in every mix?

    Nice post!

    ReplyDelete

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