Irresolution

What do you do when you are governed by fickle instincts? I am clueless. There are people with compulsive behavioral problems. And then there are people who are just plain lazy. I belong to none of these but a combination of both-fickle mindedness. My every decision has a very opposite flow of action following it that it sounds so stupid. I know I went a bit too far by not calling myself lazy. Those who know me would be sticking their little finger into their ears right now and fingering it to heaven.  Couple of months ago, I wrote this utterly stupid post stating my obituary of writing in this blogospere. Frankly speaking, I don’t know who had my brain for lunch that day, when I typed those words and hit the publish button.  No, I didn’t regret it later on. I don’t regret it now also but it was very foolish nevertheless. In fact overly melodramatic as rightly stated in one of the comments. In layman’s language, the right word to describe this blasphemy would be ’Unnecessary‘.


So what made me do such an unnecessary act of stupidity towards my blog? Fickle mindedness!!  Impulsive thinking usually works for those kind of people who run on roads naked. Not with me! But I am usually an impulsive thinker, if at all I think and it doesn’t work with me. Decisions are meant to be taken cleverly, not impulsively. I do face lot of problems because of my instinctive decision making habit. I am not sure whether it’s a bad habit or not, but it’s definitely addictive.


Leaving apart these minor hitches and hiccups in my blogging life, I was recently ashamed of myself looking at the number of posts I have actually written since last one and half years. 24? The 25th was actually a ‘Good Bye’ post ironically. Feeling abashed and chagrined over this realization, I took another instinctive decision to write daily, every single day. I took it 2 weeks back but wrote the first word today to make a travesty of my own decisions.And again realized how far I drifted away from writing. Probably September 2009 was the only month where I had really written some back to back posts. Two years back, when I had started this blog, I had a reason. I wanted to use this platform to learn-learn how to write. I wanted to know whether I can write to save my life. It’s disheartening to say that I have grossly drifted away from my objective. My fickle minded thinking let me down as it always did. 


Is focus the only problem?